#also can you tell ive been having fun drawing silly shaped hands

[zestoflemon]

lower decks sketching!

[chocoholicannanymous]

If the Spit Hits the Fan (Glee) pt XI

Follows pt I, pt II, pt III, pt IV, pt V, part VI, pt VII, part VIII, part IX and part X.

Kurt's experience with show choirs and preparation is limited to the rumors about Vocal Adrenaline, and practicing like mad for months, and being part of the New Directions, and not practicing at all.

The thing about being part of a group that does prepare for competitions more than a couple of weeks – which, truth be told, is a sometimes too generous amount of time for Mr Schue – is that you have the time to both prepare properly and have fun. Having made the decision to sing Michael Jackson the Warblers go all out on deciding which songs. Everyone gets to pick songs they think should be part of the setlist, and get to perform it as they please. Solos, duets, group numbers... They have it all.

And the best part is that each song actually is a contender.

It's the best part of the New Directions, with the parts Kurt hated taken away. It's glorious.

It's also everything the Warblers hadn't been for him the year before.

He claps until his hands burn when Jeff does an impressive imitation of MJ's dancing and laughs himself silly when Rob goes Weird Al in full costume. When David, Thad, Peter and Trent join him for 'Man in the Mirror' he's warm with happiness. And getting to see Trent moon-walk is an absolute treat – Kurt never would have guessed that he was so good at it.

And he fights back a blush when he and Sebastian sing 'Human Nature', somehow turning it into a duet that feels like more than a song. They sound amazing together, and it's a shame that they can't sing that for Regionals, but they all know it's impossible.

If part of him keep expecting Mike to pop up and show off – and that same part wants to strangle Rachel and Mr Schue for depriving him of seeing Mike dancing to Michael – well. That's for him to know and noone else to find out. And if sometimes wishes Finn was there to sing with him, especially during 'Man in the Mirror'... Well. Same goes for that..

But in the end it's fun, and amazing, and it makes him feel alive. Kurt might not as bad as Rachel, but out of everyone in Glee he was probably the one who understood it the best when she claimed she needed applause to live. Nothing else feels quite like performing, and Kurt's not willing to be without that.

(That's why he never complained about the useless weekly themes and assignments Mr Schue used to pull out of thin air. Because they allowed him to perform.)

As the Christmas break draws close they've got their setlist ready though, and everyone's got a good feeling about it.

Something Kurt doesn't have a good feeling about however is Sebastian. He's been looking more and more pensive the close to break they get, and it's obvious he's thinking hard on something. On one hand, people are allowed secrets. On the other, Sebastian has been looking at Kurt while doing a lot of his thinking, so chances are it involves him.

That means Sebastian gets two weeks to hopefully get over whatever it is. If he's still brooding after that he's going to have to talk to Kurt or get dragged to the student counselor's office.

“Do I have to talk about it?”

The pout on Sebastian's face is definitely not cute, and Kurt's definitely not affected at all. Really. So instead of giving in he gives Sebastian his third best “bitch, please” look and waits.

“Fine, fine. You know, life was a hell of a lot easier when I didn't care about people.”

“Cute. Really. Good job on making yourself sound like a sociopath. Except we both know that's not true. Now, cough it up. What's wrong?!

“You're going back to Lima for the break. What's not wrong? No, really. You've told me how you've been treated there, about the bullying, and the abuse, and the harassment, and I'm supposed to feel good about you spending the better part of three weeks there?

“And yeah, I know you can avoid going out, but there's also the fact that the reason you're here this time is that your so-called friends were taking part in the harassment. You've said yourself that it was most likely one of them that caused you to almost get suspended. And unlike those jocks these are people with access to your home. Even if you don't invite them, they're your stepbrother's team. How the hell am I supposed to think you're going to be safe there?”

The words come faster and faster, and Kurt can't hear Sebastian's breathing pick up, and the anxiety is almost catching.

“I can take care of myself, you know.”

“Yeah, but will you? Because from what I can tell, you haven't exactly done that in the past.” Which, true, but. “And I know you miss your family, but the thought of you being in Lima is leaving a really bad taste in my mouth.”

“Calm down, please. Look, I understand. I do. From your point of view I guess I've done a pretty good impression of a doormat. As for the general bullying, there are reasons I haven't done as much as I maybe should have. Possibly not great reasons, but still.

“As for the Glee kids... I'm not going to let them walk all over me. Yes, they've been my team, and my friends, and I've let that influence me in the past. But I'm not going to let that happen again. If they are willing to apologize, and listen instead of accusing, then fine. I'll give them a chance. If not, then I'm done.

“High school is going to be over in less than six months. I have every intention of going to New York after graduation. Chances are I will never see most of them again – maybe not even between now and then. Thus I have very little reason to let high school drama and high school relationships dictate how I live my life. The only one who's ever even mentioned New York is Rachel, and while I'd rather not have to deal with her again, it's a big city. I'll be perfectly capable sharing it with her.”

It takes the better part of an hour to calm Sebastian down, and even after that he admits to having an urge to stuff Kurt into his bag and bring him along for Christmas break – and yes, he's perfectly aware of how insane that sounds. Kurt just shakes his head, smiles and doesn't let on to how part of him would love to spend his break following Sebastian through Europe.

The first day of break Kurt and Finn spend hours singing along to karaoke videos of MJ songs, just enjoying themselves, and singing together in a way that they've never really taken the time to do before. It's amazing, and Kurt never wants that feeling of togetherness to go away again.

Of course that's when the downside to coming home over Christmas break shows itself, in the shape of Rachel Berry. When she slips into his room, clearly using the fact that Finn’s out for a bit, Kurt sighs and promises himself he's not going to let Sebastian know how right he was about what'd happen.

He's not, he tells himself, going to give Rachel the satisfaction of getting to him. Instead he's going to give her five minutes, and then kick her out. Politely.

He manages to hold on to that conviction for about three minutes before he's had it with once again being told he's a cheat and being lectured on “driving poor Blaine away”.

“Shut up.

“My boyfriend left. He didn't break up with me, or anything, he just disappeared. One day he was there, and the next he was just gone. And instead of being there for me, instead of being my friend and helping me, what did you do? You punished me for it.

“He fucking ghosted me, and then you made me pay for it.

“So tell me Rachel, when you rigged the election, did you do it with the intention of getting me into trouble or did you decide on that afterwards?”

Her face is priceless, and under different circumstances Kurt'd laugh. This is no laughing matter though.

“Oh, you didn't think you got away with it, did you? Because let me tell you, you are nowhere near good enough of an actress for that. It was obvious you knew more than you were saying, and that you didn't actually believe I'd done it myself. Didn't exactly take a genius to figure it out from there.”

“I am an amazing actress!”

“That's what you're focusing on? Really?” Only, Kurt realized, of course she is. Nothing's ever mattered more to Rachel than her supposed star-dom.

“Eh, what am I saying, of course you are. To do anything else would mean you'd have to care more about someone else than about yourself for once. And we all know that's not how Rachel Berry operates, don't we?”

To himself Kurt can admit that he's being a bit too harsh. Because while Rachel does tend to put herself first most of the time there have been instances where she's been selfless and caring. They never really last though, is the thing.

The truth is that Rachel is more like Sue Sylvester than either of them would ever care to admit.

“You ruined Kurt's election? You're the one that almost got him suspended? What, how, why? Who the fuck even are you?”

And oh, Finn's back.

Damn.

[charlyoddsox27]

its 6am, i havent slept, im bored, so im posting a list of the mercs in order of whom i like the most and reasons why, because thats something i should do i guess?

here goes

(spoilers for the comics down below but either way i think im the only person on earth who has never read them before now)

~~~

~~1. Medic~~

reasons for being my favourite:

• fucking. look. at. him. 👌

• 'mad german doctor' is one of my favourite tropes and he is a pretty bang-on satirical depiction of it

• cute-ass german accent

• he has pet pidgeons hE LOVES HIS PIDGEON PALS THEY KEEP HIM COMPANY

• healers are the most respectable class imo and since Medic pretty much started it he's automatically the best, thats how it works right?

• he sold some random persons soul to satan in exchange for a ***ballpoint pen*** and can i just say, fucking mood??? (he is literally the "i'd sell you to satan for one cornchip" meme)

• "yes, Archimedes...I couldn't agree more." *shudders* b oi .. .

• so many more reasons to love this gross old doctor so little room in Tumblrs posts.

~~2. Spy~~

reasons for being my second favourite:

• cranky, done with everyones shit, just wants to be left alone, fucking mood

• he's a spy i mean c'mon. look at the swanky-ass suit, look at the class radiating from this asshole.

• he may be a dick but he has a soft side he's just too jaded to show it most of the time (see: Scouts death in the comics?? real tears. honestly wish they'd panned that out more.)

• masks are hot tbFH--

• he enjoys a nice glass of whisky by the fireplace and so do i (fun fact: france is the biggest importer of scottish whisky in the world so its a nice touch)

• shapeshifting is fucking cool are you serious like he can just. do that. what a legend

• "i have a cyanide pill in one of my molars, if i break it then spit some in your mouth before i die, we can avoid being tortured." *'heavy' bursts in to save them* "PFFTHBTHF--"

• "SEDUCE ME."

• arrogant frenchman is one of my other favourite tropes and this is the most arrogant frenchman ive ever seen

• he's the only fully sane Merc, maybe apart from Engie.

• people love to hate him bc he's an asshole but...come on. after working with all those other weirdos for years, you'd be pretty jaded too.

• as a gross shipper, he's the easiest and the most fun (imo) to ship with Medic (rip me)

~~3. Pyro~~

reasons for being my third favourite:

• would have tied with Soldier if it werent for that one picture of them in the comics holding a puppy over their head with the most adoring expression on their mask??? good Pyro. goodest Pyro.

• doesn't do much in the comics but makes up for it in pure charm. look at that soulless face and tell me you dont love it.

• ambiguous gender ambiguous gender amBIGUOUS GENDER AMBIGUOUS GENDER. she/he/they? trans? nb? whatever you headcanon, it'll never be confirmed so its literally up to your own imagination. fucking ace, Valve 👌👌👌

• likes to burn things. god damnit. they like to burn things, guys. but they enjoy it so much, you just cant hate them, you can only feel a sympathetic joy that this precious lunatic is having fun in their own little world.

• canonically mentally ill (schizoprenia? it could be hallucinogenic drugs but i like to think its schizophrenia.)

• pretty sure they burned a pair of pedophiles in the comics. at least i think thats what those panels were insinuating. "lets open an orphanage and have an endless supply of kids to--" sounds pretty red-flaggy to me tbh. plus they were the villains so, eh?

• bludgeoned a bear to death until its skull was pulp because it insulted their special interest. you go, Pyro.

• for a few bits in the comics they have a really cute family dynamic going on with other Mercs, Soldier for example."Miss Pauling, Pyros on my side of the car." "Miss Pauling, Pyro cut off my hand." fuckin' cuties.

• when they start putting on like 50 shirts to keep warm in the Russian mountains. chubby.

• a gas mask that can function as both badass, and completely adorable.

• just. everything about them. how could you not love them. they're not in the wrong, you are. stay away from my misunderstood child and let them burn things god damnit.

~~4. Soldier~~

look I'm sorry, I love Soldier and he was gonna be tied with Pyro but that fucking puppy drawing sold me.

• absolute gold every second he speaks. he could sneeze and i'll laugh.

• such a dumbass you cant get annoyed at him for it. like. just agree with him and move on. no point reasoning with a boulder. "haha! silly Miss Pauling, thinking theres different types of blood." Medic: "haha yes! indeed, silly."

• HUTTAH *NECK SNAP*

• i'm not American and even i can see how blatantly his character mocks stereotypical Patriotic Americans™. but its so dumb and laughable, its adorable.

• EVERYTHING ABOUT HIS RELATIONSHIP WITH ZHANNA IS A BLESSING. EVERYTHING.

• the first "meet the Mercs" video i ever saw was "meet the Soldier" so he holds a special place in my heart

• (preaches about experiencing the horrors of war; has never actually been to war. shh dont tell anyone though--) *neck gets snapped*

~~5. Demoman~~

• I'm Scottish. even though his accent is absolute garbage (no offense to the VA), any representation is very nice.

• Black AND Scottish?? i mean has a character like that even existed before TF2??? amazing example of representation right there. there are barely even any black people in Scotland, how did this happen. I love it. more of this, please.

• he's a drunk guy who blows shit up for shits and giggles and god I wish I could too, sounds like a miracle stress-reliever.

• his sassy black scottish mother. combining the stereotypical black mother with the stereotypical scottish mother is literally the best thing that ever happened.

• the bit in the comic where Medic explains that Demo can't remember what happened to his eye bc he scooped out part of his brain, and the look on Demo's face. just. the look.

• again, he's scottish, he's stereotypical, and he's awesome.

~~6. Sniper~~

• underrated

• piss jars. piss jars everywhere.

• "no dad, im not a crazed murdering lunatic, I'm an assassin. ...well one's a job and the other's mental sickness!!"

• "meet the Sniper" has kickass music

• ruffled gross old man who isn't actually old, he's just seen some SHIT

• actually given development in the comics + some really good scenes with Spy.

• so suave...so...handsome. handsome ruffled bushman. me like.

• he dies first in the comics but gets brought back and gets a cool-ass scar. and then he's just walking around naked everywhere for the rest of the comic. Medic, where the fuck did you put his clothes.

• isn't actually Australian. thats like one of the biggest twists in the comic. "no wonder i was never inhumanly strong and my chest hair didn't grow into the shape of Australia!!" Classic.

• says "bugger" a lot and i love that word

• he needs a hug, let me hug him. and give him a bath.

~~7. Heavy~~

I'm gonna be crucified for putting the big lad so low but i promise i dont dislike any of the Mercs. he'd be higher up but...ive never really liked big huge tank-men tbh :/

• loveable as fuck

• will murder you if you bully his puny little Medic

• i looove Russian accents omfg

• he like big gun. i can respect that.

• when Medic was killed and he went APESHIT on Classic!Heavy and I lost my fuckin' mind over that shit

• he probably has a soft spot for small cute animals. i love imagining him being swarmed by Medics flock of doves and petting them like "good bird...so many good bird..."

• actually smarter than people give him credit for???

• i really really wish his character was a lil more fleshed out but. that's just me. i love him but he doesn't have the same appeal to me as Medic or Spy.

• his entire relationship with Medic...ugh. yes. best friends and/or boyfriends. all good to me 👌

• he named his gun Sasha and that's adorable

~~8. Engineer~~

• gOD, FUCK, I REALLY WISH HE DID MORE IN THE COMICS. i barely know anything about his character. i like him a lot but...god, he...he doesn't...do.....anything.......

• he built a cool robot arm for himself and AI turrets and teleporter machines and guns that fire magic healing powers and immortality machines, in the 1960s. what. some kind of wizard fuckery is this.

• smoothest voice in the west

• "y'all"

~~9. Scout~~

oh god i really am gonna be crucified. i dont hate him i just. like him the least.

• shitboy

• reminds me of a shitty ex but also kinda relateable in a way

• some genuinely funny bits in the shorts.

• gross horny hetero teen boy with a god complex and serious daddy issues. also, he can't read. the "sex bom" tattoo on his chest will be an eternal testament to that. nice job, Spy. you raised him good.

~~~

hoo boy there we go theres all the boys, all the beautiful boys (and Scout) in order of how much i love them. if i made any errors in my info about the canon, feel free to send me death threats 💙 (no seriously tell me though, being a newbie is embarrassing)

so uh. yeah. that took two hours to write. its now 8am. im still bored lol. bye i guess.